A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
