Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
All I want is dick and wine.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
