She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
