True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Randomize
