I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
