my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
