I think I am morally bankrupt
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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