Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
