I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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