so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
