grandma shit on top of the toilet
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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