Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Rumble strips road head = magical
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
