Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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