I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
