You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Randomize
