I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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