where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
