hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
only if we run a train.
done.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
