I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
