and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
