I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I just forgot I was standing up.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
