first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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