he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
