Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
