Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize