to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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