i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
