I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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