I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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