I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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