After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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