I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
