my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
