Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
