I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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