I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Just high enough for therapy.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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