Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
