no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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