I hate your face
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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