I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
