I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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