totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
pop tarts are not kleenex
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
