he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
