and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
