I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
What a dumb baby whore.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
