the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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