Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
