Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
