my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
