I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
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