Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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