Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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