I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
