I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
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My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
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Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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