she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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