I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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