Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Randomize
