omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
