my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
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My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
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That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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