Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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