hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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