she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize