omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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