Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
