You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
