forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
