I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
