so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
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She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
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I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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