just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
