Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
