He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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