the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
