I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.