"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
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I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
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I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.