he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.