i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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