maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.