dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
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the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
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you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."