No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
