We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
mondays should just be called national damage control day
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
