i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
