I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
